It’s official!!!!!

We are not trying. Yup. Done.

Let me back track. My last appointment was in May (? I think? I know I didn’t update, I was not happy after that appointment.) So the appointment went like this;

Dr. “So yea, all your tests came back fine.Your thyroid levels are back to normal. All your husband test came back fine. So just keep taking your thyroid medication and call us when you’re pregnant.”

Me. ” Um, okay?”

Yea. I was pretty pissed. Probably cause I am so impatient. And because THIS IS 3 YEARS IN THE MAKING. And my husband is most likely being deployed in the next year….So time is limited.

So yea. Two to three weeks ago we decided. We are done trying. We also started seeing a family therapist. Together. I’ve seen a therapist in the past alone, but I felt we both needed this.

He brought up a good point. What’s your plan? What next? He said I don’t take you as someone who doesn’t have a plan. So what is it? I replied with “Well my Dr said to come back when I am pregnant soooooo, I’m not really sure.” And he asked me if I was okay with this, is this my plan too? And I said “Well no, I want to go straight to a fertility clinic, and a Reproductive Endocrinologist now.” He said, okay, why aren’t you? What is stopping you?

I didn’t have an answer. I recently switched my insurance so I don’t need  a referral so why am I not just calling and making an appointment with Dr Cooper (The only and the best fertility specialist in Wilmington)?

The next day I called and made an appointment. They asked if I had a referral and I said, I’ve been trying for 3 years to get one and no one can explain why I can’t get pregnant and stay pregnant, yet won’t write me a referral, and I am so over it. Please help me. And she said, “How does September 22nd sound?”

I think I didn’t want to make the appointment cause I was scared. I didn’t want to come to terms with my infertility. I didn’t want it to be this hard. Why is this so hard? Why do we have to do it the hard way? My family is SO fertile! My Mom always said “Your Dad just walked by me and I was pregnant.” So no pressure right?

Any way, that’s the update. We are not trying, we are enjoying each other, and our dogs, and our new home. And I am SOOOOOOO relaxed. I feel like I’m on my Xanax all the time. But I’m NOT! 🙂

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Love you all! Sorry for the silence on the blog. I’ll be better now. Sorry! 🙂

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TSH Levels

At my last appointment, they drew blood to do a series of tests to start ruling stuff out. They did a lot of a tests, cause they drew like 12 vials of blood.

My nurse, Emily, called this week with the result. Apparently my TSH levels are higher than normal. TSH stands for Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. And when it is higher than normal is means that your thyroid is not producing enough of the hormone or also known as hypothyroidism. And when it isn’t producing enough it can have many symptoms, such as fatigue, hair loss, weight gain (AHA!), forgetfulness and dum dum duuuuuummmm, infertility. So I am now on a medicine to replace the hormone my thyroid is supposed to be producing.

The only strange thing is, less than a year ago my mom told me she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. So I went to my dr, and let him know, he issued a blood test and I was told it came back normal. I’m not sure how this changed so quickly but oh well.

Also since my dr mentioned me losing weight, I am now doing weight watchers and I joined the gym. I am determined to lose ten pounds before my next appointment on June 1st. Ahryon will be going with me to that appointment. He had blood tests done as well and we are still waiting for his results on those. I will update when we get those.

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Love,
Sara

The first appointment with my new Dr…

So I had my appointment on Thursday with Dr. Wright at Glen Meade Womens Health Center in Wilmington. Sorry I didn’t get an update for Yall until now, I just needed time to gather my thoughts before writing it down.

So Dr. Wright is a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor. I think that means he is an OB but I’m not totally sure. Anyway, he seems like the type of Dr who has some common sense. He is set on going thru a list of things and ruling things out. I like it. He asked me a million questions, and he explains everything so well. I also was surprised with the lovely gift of a transvaginal ultra sound right when I got there. Was not expecting that. My BFF Kayla was with me and hung out during the ultrasound. She doesn’t care, she’s in nursing school and has had a kid so this was nothing for her. For those of you who’ve never had a baby before, a transvaginal ultra sound is done by shoving a wand up your va-jay-jay and wiggling it around. It’s not comfortable, but not uncomfortable. It’s weird. Any way, doc says my uterus and ovaries look PERFECT. Just one small, (1 millimeter) cyst on my right ovary but that’s it. They think it is from me having just ovulated.

I also had blood drawn, they took TWELVE vials of blood taken. Yikes!! I was joking with the ladies in the lab, “Are you gonna leave any blood for me? I do need to drive home!” I had a large, elderly, black women who looked very stern, laughing by the end of it.

Since I produce a low amount of progesterone, Doc prescribed me Prometrium, a progesterone supplement. He said the moment I get a positive at home pregnancy test, to start taking this. And also baby aspirin. Which I found interesting. But he said in his experience it helps getting women pregnant, as it thins the blood. And I don’t know. But I’ll do it!!! But the progesterone is a vaginal suppository….I have to put it in my cooter!!!! GROSSSSSSSS. But again, I’ll still do it hahah.

Doc pretty much just said were gonna get the tests back, and Ahryon has to get some blood tests done, I believe a chromosome test, and then we see him in 6 weeks. He left the room and I was there with the nurse, and I started crying. Really? Nothing else? I am so frustrated at how slow this process it!!! It’s already been two freaking years and now I have to 6 weeks to get test results and discuss more? Annoying.

Any way, I found this tonight and thought it was fitting and funny.

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Love yall!!

Sara

Things that go thru my head everyday……

So I found some of these funny eCards on Pinterest. I laugh, but its funny cause it’s true. I think all these things. When you try for a baby for almost two years and nothing happens, you basically turn into a jealous bitch. Sad but true. Whatever.

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Yes. I actually do hide everyone who is pregnant on Facebook. Seeing that announcement without a warning can turn my whole day bad.

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Sorry to all my family who say this to me….but can you not? Hearing this amidst not getting pregnant, makes me angry with God. And that’s not fair.

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Stop. Just stop. Be grateful you CAN get pregnant, the easy, cheap and FUN way. You are luckier than you know. I understand pregnancy is hard on a body, but if you didn’t want to feel this way, DON’T GET PREGNANT. Just deal with it. I have already promised myself to hold back when I am pregnant. Even if I am vomiting all day. Every time I puke, I will thank GOD and science for being able to do that.

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Insert middle finger emoji here.

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Ovulation tests, temperature taking, counting days….its so un sexy. And not fun. Its work.

Anyway. Just a little insight. But enough of the negativity (I have had too many negative test results in my life already)! I promise the next post will be positive 🙂

Sara

Tri-Care: A blessing and a curse.

As most of you know, Ahryon is in the Navy. With getting married to a Sailor, I was blessed (and cursed) with Tri-Care health insurance. First off, I want to say, I am very happy to have health insurance. I know there are a lot of people who don’t have it and really need it. I am very grateful to have it. But it is a pain in the ass. It is not easy to understand, and very complicated.

*Disclaimer: Everything I say about Tri-Care is what I have learned about it personally. I still do not know a lot about it. All that I talk about is what I know and understand. (For the most part.)

There are two types of insurance coverage with Tri-Care. Prime and Standard. The main differences I have figured out with Prime and Standard, is with Prime, although you have no co-pay, you have a Primary Care Manager (General Practitioner), and if you want to see a specialist (allergist, or OB/GYN), you must first make an appointment and see your PCM. They then submit a referral to Tri-Care for the specialist. Tri-Care must approve it, and that takes up to 14 days. Then you can make an appointment at the specialist. So when you’re in a hurry to see an OB/GYN (like I always am), I can’t. I sometimes had to wait 10-14 days for the approval and then another 3-6 weeks for the appointment. Frustrating.

Tri-Care Standard, (from what I understand so far), you can pick your Doctors, need no referral, but you may have to pay a co-pay. But you can see any Dr that accepts Tri-Care.

So ever since we got married, I was enrolled in Tri-Care Prime, which worked fine for me. I was still impatient for appointments but I just dealt with it.

When we moved to North Carolina in December, I had to called and switch my insurance region from West to North. They told me I was still qualifying for off base civilian care, as I was too far from the Naval hospital. Awesome, I’ve only ever seen off base civilian Doctors. and I prefered that.

So started the shuffle. I was shuffled with referrals and between Dr. for almost 4 months before they sent me to the Dr at the Naval hospital. I snapped. I posted on my Facebook saying how frustrated I was and upset and annoyed. MY insurance was preventing me from seeing the Dr. I needed to see and WANTED to see. This process has been taking TOO long in my eyes and NO one was listening to me!!!

I got a message from a friend, who had the same situation happen when her daughter needed to see a specialist, and she decided to unenroll from Prime and go with Standard. She said that with Standard I can pick my own Dr. I could’ve kissed her! WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF SWITCHING TO STANDARD!!??

So I switched that night. And felt 100 times better!!! I finally felt in control of something in this crazy adventure. FINALLY. And if anyone knows me, they know I am a control freak. Believe me people, it’s better this way.

My friend also told me, “Remember Sara, you can fire your Dr. They work for you! If it’s not working out for you, and you feel like they aren’t helping you, MOVE ON. Get a new Dr!!! Someone out there will be a perfect match for you.”

And thank goodness she said that. I have my big appointment tomorrow at Glen Meade. My first consultation with a fertility clinic. I am excited to have a plan when I leave. Ahryon can’t go cause of work and training. But one of my best friends, Kayla, is coming with me. I am so thankful she was willing to come with, I am probably gonna get emotional and it’ll be nice to have a second set of ears there with me, if I get too overwhelmed.

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I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes 🙂

Sara

Clomid. Or also known as hell in pill form.

So Clomid. Where to start with Clomid.

I started my first cycle with Clomid last September. I had read about it online and its side effects. Mainly heard a lot of being more hormonal, headaches, and light headedness. I asked my dr the side effects and he told me “you’ll probably be more hormonal than usual (greaaaaaat.) and another is multiple births.” Just super casually. I’m sorry, what? Twins?! At first I as like shit. That would be complicated. Then I was like oh well! Two is better than none!!!! Ahryon was stoked. He wants twins so bad. Boom, kids done in one pregnancy.

Any way, day 3 of my cycle rolls around, got up around 5 am when Ahryon was getting up for work, took the Clomid and a Tylenol to try and keep the headache away and chugged water. Went back to bed. Woke up, went to work, felt a little light headed and foggy but not bad. I thought, score, this will be a piece of cake.

Wrong. So wrong.

Day two came, got up did the same thing and went back to bed for a few hours. Woke up, and I’m pretty sure I cried over the stupidest shit EVER. I cried listening to the radio about a women who won concert tickets. I cried cause my windshield wiper broke. I cried cause there was traffic. I cried cause it was too hot in our apartment, but when I took the blankets off me it was too cold. I was a hot freaking mess. Ahryon thought I went completely crazy.

And the cravings! I craved pizza with ranch, I craved tacos from a particular taco place that they only serve these certain street tacos on Taco Tuesday, and of course it was Wednesday so I cried about that. (Rocking Baja In the Oceanside Harbor if anyone was curious!) I craved terrabuffaque wings from PCH, coffee cake from Beach Break Cafe, I craved beer and bacon. I craved so much stuff I can’t even remember. And I almost throat punched Ahryon for a cookie. It was bad yall. That’s pretty much how the rest of the cycle went.

When I ovulated I started having HORRIBLE cramps, right in the middle of my cycle. And they didn’t end until after I got my period. It was so weird. At the end of my cycle I took a pregnancy test and WOOHOO IT WAS POSITIVE. I fist pumped and party boyed my ass off. And cried, obviously. Then I was so excited I took another the next day and it was negative. WTF. So I went in for a blood test and that came back negative. My OB said it was probably an early miscarriage. Or chemical pregnancy. So that sucked. I was pissed. I was concerned about it being an eptopic pregnancy (where the egg is fertilized and implants in the Fallopian tube), so they did an ultra sound and found NOTHING. COOL BRO.

I should also mention, I have gotten 3, that’s right people THREE, false positive pregnancy tests. I’m that lucky SOB who is the .1% that gets a false positive. Fuck my life right?

Well I did this Clomid cycle FOUR freaking times. My last one was in January. Clearly there’s something wrong but we don’t know what.

Any way I need to calm down cause I’m sure my mom will text me after she reads this and says something about me cursing. Hi Mom! 😉

Love you all!

Sara

Repetition breeds inadequacy

If you want to know what I go thru, this, EXACTLY THIS, is it. It’s fecking awful.

QueenLionheart

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There are no words to describe what it feels like to see only one pink line when you want to see two. It’s a bleak, sinking, falling, dark pit-of-the-stomach feeling. It’s a rock in your throat feeling. It’s a feeling of complete and utter inadequacy.

I don’t care if you’ve been trying for one month or 36, waiting that dreaded “Two-Week-Wait” only to be let down is downright horrible. And the more it happens, the more inadequate you feel.

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I sat there last month on the bathroom floor, imagining myself jumping and screaming for joy after seeing those heavenly two pink lines, thinking about who I would contact first and what I would say, planning a special surprise reveal to my husband when he comes home from work. It takes two minutes. And then I’m on the floor imagining all the reasons for why we are still having trouble…

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